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Vanity

Weight Gain Goal Reached.

Posted on 2006.02.21 at 21:12
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Tata Young - Jum Wai
My heart told me to get to 160 though I was fairly content when I reached 156. I wanted to reach the goal and I felt inside it was something to do. It turned out perfectly as during the time period I learned so much more and have developed such a better understanding of myself and what I am here to do. I know better than to doubt or second guess the divine intelligence.

Here is a picture of me now at 160...

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I'm learning to simplify and to accept that I am a beginner in many things in life. When you consider yourself an expert your cup is too full to learn better ways of doing something or to see what your heart is trying to teach you. So I am learning to adapt that type of approach to all things.

I'm going to just stay within the 150's with my weight, somewhere between 152 and 158. I'm currently beefier than I'd like to be. My power is greater than I ever had it, my form is solid and I am more flexible than I have been in years. Which isn't all that - I can at bend over and hold onto my toes without bending my knees - which I couldn't do before. That being said, I'm drifting further away from the look. I want to be cut and feel like I'm made out of iron but that isn't the emphasis as it used to be when I would train before. Now I want core strength, I want to be fast, agile, flexible, and have wonderful overall conditioning. Martial arts is really going to help me with that but I am going to start soon. I'm not going to wait for the time I start practicing martial arts.

I know how to bulk up and to lift for strength and power. It's time for me to learn how to get in great overall condition. I know as a result I will be in fantastic physical shape but the emphasis this time is in being a well conditioned athlete. It's like one of the many valuable lessons I've learned. And that is to live on purpose, one day at a time and detach yourself from the outcome. Don't think of how it is going to look to others or when and how you'll get there and don't compare yourself, Just Be and just do. And the universe will handle the details, it's doing that anyway.

God Bless.

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

Red Hair part 1

Posted on 2006.02.13 at 14:00
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: C.M. - Dream Universe
I took a photo of the red hair before jumping in the shower. I think I'm going to go a touch darker with the red. Nevertheless it's red now and I love it. I like the texture my hair is now as well. Here is the picture...

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:] haha.

God bless.

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

A Bundle of random truths.

Posted on 2006.02.07 at 21:12
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Sequential One - Dreams Are In Your Mind
One of the most valuable things I have learned is that thinking is a skill that is learned, just like playing the piano. It's a shame most people do not know that. You can actually earn a degree in thinking.

We are energy and have enough potential energy in our bodies to light the North American continent for a week. How silly then is the comment "I have no energy"?

All that we have learned and all that we will ever learn is here. There is a thought energy the permeates in and around us. The Wright brothers tuned into it to introduced us to the new kingdom of flight. Albert Einstein understood this and had a message that expressed this burned into the side of his desk. He understood that inventions and ideas were waiting to be discovered. It's all available to us. Doubt, fear, negativity is all a result of conditioning, it is not a reflection of ones potential or of you as a person.

Every great leader has told us that we become what we think about most of the time.

Mind is an activity and body is the manifestation of that activity. The body is nothing more than an instrument of the mind. Healing happens due to conscious thought focused on beliefs or positive things that have become fixed into the subconscious mind (or spirit, heart, soul, super conscious it has many names, but it is the same.) and thus produce the vibration that the body creates.

Choose your thoughts, repeat them often until they become fixed into your subconscious and you become emotionally attached to the idea. Then the vibration that your body is in will change, then how you act will change and thus your results will change. Your circumstances and environment mean nothing, if they did then history would not have the millions that have overcome virtually any scenario you can imagine. And someone can always be the first for a particular scenario. Most people view circumstances such as making little money or being overweight and then use the circumstances as the guide to how they are. Rather it is the ideas we have and hold onto that manifest into physical form. None of this is new, it's universal law. Just as if you put a little into life you'll get a little out. Put a lot in you get a lot out. Some people put a lot of energy behind putting a little out but you'll still just get a little back. The Universe responds back with the same message you send and if it is give, you'll receive abundance. The same feelings, thoughts etc. Cast into the mold of different times. They could not have said "I dropped my Ipod and it broke" in 1824, but the emotions, reactions etc. As a result of dropping your Ipod and breaking it are the same since the dawn of man. It's not in the specifics... simplify.

If you have ego, you'll separate yourself from those who overcame what you suffer from and from your source. Know yourself and you know the universe. And the source of energy works both ways (call it energy or God) and if you feed your mind negativity you can eventually destroy yourself. There was a true story about a man who was locked in a freezer cart. He thought he was going to freeze to death. He wrote on the wall about the experience and that those words may be his last. And they were. He froze to death. The interesting part of this story is that the fan for the cart was broken and the temperature never dropped below 49 degrees. He became a victim to his thoughts. So the same power that can cure you and make your dreams come true, can destroy you, it has no ability to reject any idea or belief. It will only work with what you give, that is how the universal power works. Believe you can, and you will, believe you can't and you won't. It's truthfully that simple. Though that doesn't make it easy.

I myself still struggle with my previous conditioning, though I understand these laws and have put the ideas into application and know the truth. It is through repetition and application that I will replace old thought habits with new ones. Then I will be completely free. So basically I'm currently training myself mentally to rid myself of old conditioning.

I haven't updated lately but I wanted to share some of what I have learned from some of the greatest thinkers and spiritual masters. I still have much to learn and must re-read again and again and again and again much of this material to really understand this. I'm still in the infant stages of this. A man once said that you do not understand something until you can explain it to someone else so that they may understand. I just hope anything here helps or interests someone to seek the truth for themselves. I have made monumental discoveries and I truly hope someone will benefit from anything I've shared.

"The average person tip-toes through life so they can make it safely to death. What a dumb game! This isn't a practice run, you only get one shot at it!" - Bob Proctor

God bless.

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

Training Progress update.

Posted on 2006.01.27 at 12:04
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: Ferry Corsten - enTc
Most of my time spent is training my mind and body. Replacing old habits with new ones. Removing ego and instead having unconditional love. I am a more peaceful, loving and spiritual human being.

I am now at 151lbs and here is a photo of my progress...

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I filled out a bit more, of course some of the weight has gone into my calves and thighs and the fact that I now have a butt when I had lost it lol. :P

All kidding aside, I also want to say to my friends whom I speak with briefly here and there. I apologize for the lack of communication. You're all still my friends and we'll hang out soon. :]

God bless each one of you.

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

Interesting Dream.

Posted on 2006.01.15 at 13:42
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: Go Brooklyn - Passion '94
I had another one of those realistic dreams. I believe they're called prophetic dreams. Anyway.

I'm going to skip deep details and type out the events as they happened.

I was at my best friend's house I think (it looked like hers.). I walked passed one of her sisters who said something about Old Navy. I think she was commenting on my shirt or something... not important. Then I saw my best friend and we hugged. Then it became towards the end of my visit and I was giving her a piggy-back ride. She didn't want me to go nor did I want to leave. Then (I don't know which one of us suggested this) she was going to come over and stay the night (sleep-over like when I was a kid). She asked if I was sure it was okay and I said of course. She insisted I asked my father anyway. I did and he said of course she can. It was perfectly innocent She packed some stuff and I remember putting a pair of her shoes in a bag. Black ones with white on them. The bag was a redish color but could of had some purple on it. She was going to stay in the guest room right across from my room. At least that was what was suppose to happen. I think she fell asleep against me while we were watching a film. The reason why I say I think she fell asleep is because I only remember that, and don't know if she stayed asleep by my side or if she then went to the guest room after a few minutes.

Now the dream gets a bit odd. I was giving her a piggy-back ride to the car and carrying her bag when suddenly we were in a new surrounding. (My dreams sometimes fast foward or are in bits.) I was still giving her a piggy-back ride but this time we were in the woods. Then the atmosphere became some old wooden office setting or cathedral. Some antique furniture styled dark room. Now this was odd because it was a man and a woman. He was trying to protect her and hid her in a good spot and then scrambled to find one for himself while she cried out for him. It's odd because It goes back and forth from being my best friend and myself to two different people. My only conclusion to this is that perhaps I was watching a film since it was a third person perspective and in my mind while watching this I must have made the connection or related to their love and bond. It's possible I was in movie theatre.

Well that's the dream I had last night.

As far as training goes. I am about 148.5 pounds. And in life. I am doing great. Each day staying positive and learning more and more how to connect deeper to God my source and my highest self.

I'm going to best buy in a few minutes after I have a shake. I'm going to purchase some martial arts films.



[ - TrAnce - ]


Vanity

I'm going to be an uncle!!!

Posted on 2005.12.27 at 00:26
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Go Brooklyn - Passion '94
Another reason for me to be thankful for this life and to look forward to. I'm incredibly happy for my brother and sister-in-law! I'm going to be the best uncle I can be and love that kid very much! Wow the day has come. My brother is going to be a father and I'm going to be an uncle... wow. lol

I think around the time I visit them Amy will either be about ready to give birth or have had the child already. That's going to make my trip to California even more memorable!

I'm so excited! hehe

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

Progress Journal.

Posted on 2005.12.23 at 18:46
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: Jurgen Vries - Take My Hand
Every ten pounds I gain I'm going to document and post my results.

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I started at approximately 130 pounds. The photo above is my body at that weight.

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This second photo is my body now at 141 pounds.

I've got a better system this time around. And I now modify my workout schedule and switch rest days incase I ever were to miss a workout due to not being home in time or what have you. That way I don't miss a beat. Before I would just do it the next week. I go by the motto (for training) live around training instead of training around life. Anyway. That is all for this update. I will be at 150 in another month or so I think.

I could go into great detail about the specifics of my diet and workouts etc. But I'm not interested in doing all that right now. Maybe later. If someone is ineterested though I'm always willing to share. :]

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

Neutrality

Posted on 2005.12.23 at 15:03
Current Mood: refreshedrefreshed
Current Music: Journey of Life - Push
Jet Li has written some amazingly insightful and inspiring essays on Neutrality in buddhism, among other things. I am really working on learning this concept. That is why removing my ego is a huge factor. I won't take something personal, I won't take things ,that need no focus, seriously. And will be free from attachment towards negative comments and opinions. Ego separates itself and becomes concerned with things that I find trivial now. Living my life and knowing the divinity that I have within me that only God and I truly know is all that counts. We each have the most powerful source in the universe on the inside of us, all connected together. There is no room for ego.

If someone was sitting in a room thinking they were better then the "losers" in their present company. They miss out on the beauty of the people around them and what they could learn from the experiences of others. Ego often has one think "well that's them not me." Obviously when ego strikes you can't possibly realize that if they can do it, so can you. We all have hearts that beat in our chest and blood in our veins. Each and everyone of us is unique yet we are all connected. And not to dwell in the past. But the over-analytical, pretentious, alienating, me-versus-the-world-attitude (I looked at everything in terms of being commercial, conforming, society sucks, etc. etc.) Was one of the biggest factors to my problems before. The sun is always shining, it's all in your perspective.

God has saved my life. And each day gives me more strength and wisdom, which I write down immediately to remind myself how far I've come and what my purpose is for being. I believe in Jesus Christ and I was raised Roman Catholic. However, I do see all religions as praying to the same God (I don't mean Christian God but God in general, a source). I believe that there is one source. I think that God perhaps took on many forms for many reasons but ultimately I think that in the past. Jesus Christ would not have translated well to Native Americans, or to Japanese etc. I believe their gods were given separate identities, names and experiences to make sense with the different language, culture and ideals of the people. Almost in a sense that the image of God is that of us (usually a God from a religion resembles the people). But that is beside the point as it is the same source of love. I had come to this belief and read that Jet Li had written something somewhat similar in his belief. I also find it interesting how people can have full faith in a concept such as Luck or other superstitions, but God is only a fairytale? Science in my opinion is man's attempt at logically understanding God's work. Which you receive scientific answers but that's only one side of the spectrum and only from a scientific perspective. It's the same I feel when doctors who only treat the body as though we're machines made of flesh and bone but then you have those who recover fully when doctors tell them they only have a year to live or they'll never walk again etc. It's only treating and looking at one part of the equation. I read a story of two men who suffered the same illness. One was without faith and negative and the other stayed positive and had faith in a higher power. Both were told they would die in months. Which one do you think made a full recovery?

I believe it's really this simple. The only thing that could stop us from forward progress and self growth are negative discouraging thoughts and lack of faith. "Faith is the sound a song bird makes, before the dawn." - Rabindranath Tagore. Which I think can happen when we get caught up in moments and distracted by all the negative mentalities and ideas floating around. I feel that if one focuses on their inner divinity and their God. They'll make it through any obstacle.

I'm not an expert on science or religion. Nor do I claim to be. This is just my opinion and my belief.

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

The most wonderful dream.

Posted on 2005.12.22 at 08:59
Current Mood: touchedtouched
Current Music: Anggun - Valparalso
I woke up about an hour ago and had the most wonderful dream. It was one of those dreams that was so very real that when I woke up I wondered what I was doing in my bed. haha.

I was dreaming that I was at what I thought to be my house (it could have been, but many houses around Florida are similar). And I was in the backyard talking to my friend. There was a get together of a few family members and friends (from her family and I think a handful of her uncle's or cousin's friends.)

One of the 'friends' or family members was slightly drunk and was being touchy feely with her pulling her to him to get a kiss. They were both close to me as I was leaning against a pillar or wall (not sure which. And I was annoyed by him as was she), and so I put my arm around her and effortlessly shoved him away and said "get out of here man you're drunk" and he just stumbled off. Now what became wonderful about this dream is that when I put my arm around her I was pulling her gently to me but it was mutual as she went with the movement as soon as I touched her and it was as though I was only guiding her to me. Then she buried herself into my chest and I held her head against it. We stayed like that for a few moments and then I noticed she was somewhat embarrased / nervous about letting her guard down and tried to regain her composure. It was the greatest embrace I ever experienced and it felt so 'right'. We looked at each other and smiled and when we locked eyes it was a moment that seemed much longer.

We then walked to a spot where there was some type of structure that was bench like but for some reason I think it was a well or pool (we sat on the rim of it, whatever it was.) I then told her I would be right back and went inside to find the bathroom. I bumped into her ex and some of her family along the way. He was brushing his teeth and so I went into another bathroom. When that was over I was walking back outside through the sliding door and saw her there. She was still sitting there kicking her feet and thinking to herself. She smiled when she noticed me walking towards her and stood when I approached her. We both sat down and I extended my hand to hold hers and I remember thinking to myself "awfully confident aren't we?" I also almost pulled my hand back in fear of being too touchy or aggressive, something to that effect. But she held my hand. We talked about a house that was near by and I made a comment saying that "that house looks like it's made out of cardboard" and she laughed and said "oh I know!". We talked about the colors in the sky and how beautiful the weather was. It was getting darker and I realized we were still holding hands and so I raised the back of her hand to my lips and kissed it. She looked at me and blushed. I wanted to kiss her and just hold her more than anything. She leaned her head against my shoulder while I was feeling this. I turned and kissed her on the head and then had to let go of her hand for a moment to put my arm around her. She let out a big sigh of comfort, put her hand on my chest and told me she could feel my heart beat. And seemed to be listening for it when I looked at her. I was sliding my hand down the side of her face and playing with her hair. I made a motion with my hand as I touched her shoulder and she went with it and pulled away from my chest and I was pushing some of her hair that was stuck to her lips out of her face. I could see her face so clearly and was going to kiss her. Then at the worst possible time to wake up from a dream. I hear my dog barking her head off because a dog wandered in our backyard to take a piss. I was awake and reality was slowly sinking in. That was the most wonderful dream I've had!

When I was making my shake I kept thinking about that dream. And when I was drinking my shake I thought that it may be bitter sweet. Because I don't know if she'll ever feel that way for me. And I'm currently under the impression that she misses someone she was dating I think a month or two ago. Nothing I can do about that. Whatever makes her happy. She'll always have my love and support and friendship.

[ - TrAnce - ]

Vanity

Come On! with whatever you got!... Come On! take your best shot!

Posted on 2005.12.21 at 23:11
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Waterproof Blonde - Come On!
My positive thinking is becoming more automatic. I found myself becoming overly ambitious and then I felt God was reminding me that, it's great that I want to do all my dreams and get started with life but that I must live one day at a time, my time will come. I slip into an old habit of negative thoughts now and then but I cast them out immediately. Marisa, thank you for your comment on how far I've come in a months time. That really put things into perspective and helped. My mother also told me that I am doing things now that I was unable to do in the past 6 years. I want to have experiences spending time with friends and go out more before I get my license and join a martial arts school. Because I really want to develop the habit of staying positive and to never shrink back in fear or become discouraged before focusing on those things. I will rise with boldness and confidence in the face of adversity knowing I have God's favor and the most powerful source in the universe on the inside of me (we all have it.)

I've been doing some research and thus far it appears most likely that I will be attending the 'Wah Lum Kung-Fu' school in Melbourne. I've realized my dreams and purpose in this life. It's really amazing and wonderful. I want to dedicate most of my life to martial-arts. I was always into it as a kid. I went to a tae kwon do school when I was about 11 or 12 but became discouraged in fear due to my poor self-esteem and outlook. I believe God was showing me my destiny but I didn't accept it. Now I think "plan B" has been put before me and I see it this time. I want to train constantly. Now I'm on a muscle mass program and I'm about 141 pounds and my goal is 162 pounds so I'm getting there. When I start my journey in martial arts I want to train 5 hours a day and really live it. I want to get into martial arts film and maybe one day open a school to share what I've learned (I plan on starting sometime next year and in 20 years in martial arts I'll be 44 and still going.)

Fame is fleeting (as Jet Li had said) and my reasons for the martial arts film as a dream is more than just a personal pursuit. I was reading a bunch of essays Jet Li wrote on his site. And there are a few reasons why people learn Martial arts. For either competition, health of the body, mind and spirit, film and self-defense. I feel that my purpose is to inspire and I want to give hope and be a voice for those who suffer with Agoraphobia and who think they need medication to deal with depression, anxiety, social disorders, suicidal tendencies and more. I've dealt with those and I want to let people know that if I can get through it they can too. And share how I was able to overcome and not be overcome. I also would like to donate and help with charities and people around the world. I've often dabbled in many areas of my "talents" or things I have some skill in. But I've bounced around because I would become discouraged and jump from one to the other worrying about the future (to make sure I had "back-up plans"). I want to devote my life to martial arts and fitness. I have such a clear distinct vision of my purpose and I feel so alive. Only negative discouraging thoughts would try to stand in my way, but I won't allow that to happen. And I know God is with me always.

I went out to the mall yesterday and to some other stores. I even went and walked across the mall by myself. I kept my head up and looked people in the eyes (things I didn't do before). Each time I feel more confident being out and around others. One of the things that has helped among many positive perspectives and most importantly in my life God. Is that I have removed my ego. Ego is what doubts, Ego tries to solve all of life's problems and thinks it is seperate from God (the spiritual source and guide). Ego also affects relationships with others wanting only for the self. That dog eat dog mentality and selfishness, rather than a perspective of love and compassion. Ego thinks it is greater than humanity and life (and those around it). I'm done with containing myself within those prisons. Whenever I find myself caring what "they" think. I read this...

] The Final Analysis - by Mother Teresa [

People are often illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.
- Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
- Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you may win some false friends and true enemies.
- Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may try to cheat you.
- Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight.
- Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
- Be happy anyway.

The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow.
- Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may just never be enough.
- Give the world the best you have anyway.

"You see" (she said) in the final analysis. It's all between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway!"

God bless all of you.

[ - TrAnce - ]


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